Exact Change
by TheLittleCat
Summary: In the midst of winter, I found there was within me, an invincible summer" Albert Camus
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: Exact Change

AUTHOR: The Little Cat

PAIRING: Eventual CJ/T

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these fine folks. I'm just a gal taking them for a spin. Please don't sue, as you will be horribly disappointed.

AUTHOR NOTES: THIS IS A REPOST OF AN EARLIER DRAFT. As I began to move on in the narrative, I realized that I would rather write 3rd person than try and continue writing first person from CJ's POV. My apologies, but hey, it's fixed, right?

This is my first fanfic, although I freely admit to lurking on the web for quite some time. I have no Beta, so all errors are mine. Reviews are like candy!

There is a phone ringing. Somewhere. It gets closer as she drifts into conciousness, and she can eventually recognize the source, the shrill piece of plastic and metal on her nightstand. She toys with the idea of launching it across the room. Reaches for it. Misses. Tries again.

"Hello?"

"Good morning."

"Toby, do you have any idea what time……" She turns the alarm clock to face her, squinting at the garish red numbers. "Five thirty. It is five thirty in the morning. I have been asleep for exactly thirty-five minutes."

"You gotta get back here."

"What happened?"

"Just do it."

"I'm hanging up now." She closes the phone. Sits up in her bed and blinks slowly. The phone rings. She snaps the phone open again.

"CJ."

"Did I just dream our last conversation? Because Toby, I was under the impression that we just did this THIRTY SECONDS AGO."

"There's been a problem."

"I'm chief of staff Tobus, what has happened that you seem to know but I don't?"

"I haven't left the white house yet. Just get here."

"What in God's name is going on?"

"There's been a leak. The president was meeting with the AMA executive….."

"Last night, yes."

"It ended four hours ago. AP has it that he mentioned to Annabelle Morrow that he "couldn't speak for God on the issue of abortion.'"

CJ closes her eyes. The headache she had been avoiding before going to bed was making itself apparent again.

"Please tell me this is not the same Annabelle Morrow that worked with Waves of Change for two years."

"And had a clinic for twenty three years before that? Indeed, the very same."

She sighed, the sleep that she hoped to have gotten that night a distant memory. "I'll be there in half an hour."

"Twenty minutes."

"Don't push it, pokey."

She hangs up the phone, and do a quick inventory. Brain? Check. Clothes? Check. Shower….involves moving. Here we go. She stands up. Stretches. Makes her way towards the bedroom door. The phone rings. She lunges for it like a python.

"HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS BEFORE YOU BELIEVE THAT I'M COMING IN, TOBY?"

Silence on the other end. Then, a small voice on the phone. "Is this Claudia Cregg?"

She stops. "Yes"

"Ms. Cregg, my name is Victoria Garland. I'm the head nurse at Dayton Heights Nursing Home. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this….."

Cold. Really cold. She can feel her vision blur around the edges, her dark bedroom going a blinding white.

"Your father, Tal Cregg, passéd away in his sleep earlier this evening."

Swallowing. That's hard right now. The bile rises in her throat, and she's headed for the bathroom. CJ can hear Victoria Garland on the other end of the phone. Asking if she's okay. CJ wonders how many times Victoria has had to deal with something like this, and then think that's an awfully dumb thing to be wondering under the circumstances. But by this point last nights' Chinese is making a second appearance. She finishes heaving, wipes her mouth with some hastily gathered toilet paper, and gets back on the phone.

"I'm so sorry, Ms.Cregg."


	2. Chapter Two

TITLE: Exact Change, Chapter Two

AUTHOR: The Little Cat

PAIRING: CJ/T (eventually)

SPOILERS: All of it.

DISCLAIMER: Insert witty comment about me not owning them here.

AUTHOR NOTES: Thank you so much to the peeps who reviewed. Still no Beta, so all errors are mine.

It was small, it was blonde, and it was moving quickly in his direction.

"Charlie!"

Charlie stopped, attempting to balance a cup of coffee, folders, a briefcase, and a gym bag. It was Charles Young vs. the Pile of Stuff, and the Pile of Stuff was rapidly winning. He turned towards the source of the holler.

"Annabeth. What do you need?"

"Where's the boss lady?" Annabeth observed Charlie's struggle with gravity, letting out an exasperated sigh. She reached for the gym bag. "Here, let me take that."

"It's bigger than you are."

"It's not even six am, so I'm gonna let that little comment slide." They continued to walk towards Charlie's office.

"I just got here Annabeth. But I'm assuming that she will be in shortly, if the wake-up call she got from Toby was anything like the one I received."

"OK. Oh, and one other thing." By this time, they had reached the closed door of Charlie's office. Annabeth put out an arm to stop Charlie from entering.

"Before you go in there, I gotta warn you about something. You do remember last week when CJ asked you to take that meeting with that guy….." Charlie stared at her blankly, but Annabeth regrouped rather quickly.

"Right, so let's try that sentence again. The guy from Florida, sports nut, wanted to re-evaluate title nine….."

"Stan Rossaro. The sports nut."

"The very same."

"He wanted to talk about foosball more than he wanted to talk about any potential bill. Where was he on big block of cheese day?"

"Funny thing about that…."

Charlie opened the door to his office, coming to an abrupt halt. Sitting in the middle of Charlie's office is a fully loaded, championship style foosball table. It took up over half of the space he had available to him.

Annabeth grinned. "Apparently, you made quite the impression."

Charlie finds himself at a loss for words, and begins sputtering. "How did….wh….how did it get past the secret service…..who delivers a foosball table to the WHITE HOUSE!"

Without missing a beat, Annabeth investigates the sides of the large obstacle. She finds a small silver plaque screwed to the side of the table. "Well, according to this, 'Bob's Game Room, 24 hour service, just call……"

"Ok. Fine. This is gonna need to be dealt with before…"

"CHARLIE!"

"Well, that happens, actually."

Toby enters the room, face buried in a file. He dosen't look up as he begins to speak. "You need to tell me the second CJ walks into the door. We need to be solving this before she has a chance to put her purse down."

Annabeth pipes up. "That, or swing it at drug lords."

Toby looks up, intent on telling the small blonde creature where to go and how to get there, instead finding himself distracted by the large object of leisure taking over Charlie's workspace. He looks at Charlie. Charlie shrugs.

"Don't you have enough to do?"

"Apparently I make an impression."

"And I have a watchable quality. What is this?"

Annabeth jumps in. "Boys, play nice. To answer your question Toby, Charlie was given the foosball table by an over-appreciative sports fan. We will let you know as soon as CJ gets here. As for the AMA fiasco, let's all take a deep breath and remember that for as bad as we are all taking the fact that the next news cycle will be all about the right to choose or not, there is one person who is going to take it worse."

The three turn their heads at the sound of Margaret cheerily wishing CJ a good morning. Toby bolts towards the chief of staff's office, runs by Margaret, and shuts the door. CJ has her back to him, shrugging off her coat. Toby begins to speak, gesturing wildly.

"I spoke to the President about a statement. This is going to look really bad as far as the separation of Church and State is concerned, which is strange, because I always seemed to think that was one thing this administration could always be clear on…."

CJ turns around. "Toby"

He's off and running, not looking up. "We have a meeting with Ms. Morrow at 10am, we're going to see how much damage we can undo…….."

"Toby."

"Maybe by making her realize that under a Republican president Waves of Change would be attacked by the Navy if they thought they could get away with it….."

"TOBY. STOP TALKING."

He looked up, and stared, dumbstruck. CJ was a wreck. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her clothes hastily assembled, skin pale and free of makeup.

"CJ. What on earth…." He stepped towards her. And that's when he saw the small black suitcase next to her desk. His heart sank, and he met the eyes of his best friend.

"Oh, Claudia Jean…."

That did it. CJ leaned forward, palms flat on her desk. Her eyes squeezed closed, and tears fell down her face. She was perfectly silent. Toby stepped towards her, grabbing a tissue from the dispenser on her desk. He pressed it into her palm, his free hand grabbing hers.

"When."

"I got the call when I got off the phone with you. The second time. I yelled at the nurse. I thought she was you."

She smiled ruefully, and her face crumpled. Toby pulled her into a hug. He could feel her tears seeping into his shirt collar, her breath coming in gasps against his neck. He held her tighter.

"I'm so sorry."

"S'ok…" She straightened up. "I just got off the phone with Leo. He's on his way in. Hopefully serving as Chief of Staff for a few days won't be too much for his heart."

"I'm sure I'll survive." CJ and Toby turned to see Leo in the doorway. He stepped towards CJ. "Honey, come here."

She accepted his hug gratefully, glad to have such an understanding network of friends and co-workers. He let her go, but kept his hands on her shoulders.

"Do you need us to do anything?"

"No. My flight is at 11, so I'll be in Dayton by this afternoon. I should only be gone four or five days. Just for the funeral and to get everything in order…."

"Take as much time as you need. I can hold down the fort."

"Leo, are you sure?"

"I did it before, didn't I? Granted, I had a heart attack, but this time I know that it's finite."

CJ had to laugh at that. "Thank you." She wiped her eyes.


	3. Chapter Three

TITLE: Exact Change, Chapter Three

AUTHOR: The Little Cat

SPOILERS: Everything is fair game.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, but I have several pairs of boots, all the better to protect me from the EIGHT INCHES of snow dumped on Toronto last night. I thought it was over…it was melting so nicely….sniff

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I think I got a grip on my tenses, thanks for the heads up Angie. Mind you, it probably helps that I didn't drink before posting this chapter ;)

The flight to Dayton was quiet. She sat down, ignored the safety presentation, ignored the stewardesses, ignored the rubbery chicken, ignored the: "Welcome to Dayton, ladies and gentlemen….", ignored the shuffling at the luggage carousel, and ignored the cabbie who drove her to the car rental place. She arrived at the nursing home, where Victoria Garland waited for her.

"Hello Ms. Cregg. I'm so glad to finally meet you, even under these circumstances. Tal was so proud of you, he would sometimes speak of you in…"she stopped, embarrassed. CJ finished the sentence in her head. _Lucid moments. When he actually remembered he had a daughter._

"Hello Victoria. It's nice to meet you. What needs to be done?"

Quick and to the point, CJ finished settling her father's account at the nursing home. She moved the boxes of her father's sparse belongings into her rental car, heading back towards the house.

Molly opened the door before CJ had a chance to knock. The two women looked at each other, aware of their differences. Aware of mistakes made, but mostly aware of the hurt. Molly reached out and embraced CJ. CJ stiffened momentarily before returning the hug awkwardly. They entered the house, closed the door.

The next hours were a blur. It was Wednesday, and the funeral was set for Friday morning. Dignified, a local funeral home. No flowers, no fanfare, Tal hadn't wanted it and CJ knew there was not enough flowers in the world to pay tribute to the man who had raised her. The house was clean, Molly had started boxing up clothes and books as soon as she had heard, CJ and her in agreement that most of Tal's possessions would be best put to use by being donated to local charities.

At 2am, CJ still had not eaten and certainly could not sleep. Her childhood room, transformed into a guest bedroom after she had left for college, could not offer her a sliver of the comfort it used to. She remembered spending hours, on the floor, in the closet, sheets spread everywhere, reading with a flashlight. Her parents would never know she was awake. But her father always had.

Waiting until her mother was asleep, he would sneak out of bed, knock on her door, and sneak in.

_Claudia Jean, you need to sleep munchkin._

_One more chapter, Daddy._

And he would always let her. And she would keep her promise, closing the book, turning off the flashlight, and crawling into bed as soon as the chapter drew to a close. Her father would kiss her on the nose, and say his goodnight.

_Sweet dreams for Claudia Jean,_

_Sweeter still than jellybeans._

And she would giggle, close her eyes, and sleep.

She could not sleep now. She pulled herself out of bed, put on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, grabbed her purse, and quietly left the house. Getting into the car, she had little idea of where she might end up, but knew it when she saw it. Lou's all night diner, garish pink and blue neon, a throwback to the fifties that looked about as old and run down. The hours she had spent there in her high school years were staggering. Smoking, drinking coffee, chatting, flirting. She wondered if they still made the same grilled cheese.

She pulled in, parked the car. Lou himself had, in fact, existed, but had retired just before her high school graduation. She imagined him long gone, too many years pulling graveyard shifts and downing burgers.

She slid into a vinyl booth by the window. A tired, chubby waitress came over to her. Sisterhood through exhaustion.

"Coffee, please."

She could not bring herself to eat, even though she probably should. She stared at the chipping tabletop, decades of initials, hearts, and cigarette burns marring the surface. She looked around for her own initials, jumping when the waitress placed the coffee in front of her, shaking her head at the waitresses' tired inquiry: "Anything else?"

She added cream, sugar, and stirred the coffee with a dishwater-spotted spoon. Opening her purse, she fished out the pack of her father's cigarettes she had found in the freezer earlier that day. The cold, apparently, would keep them fresh.

She pulled one out, lit it, inhaled. Not too fresh, but it would do. She sipped her coffee, inhaled, blew smoke rings. Jumped at the voice behind her.

"I could do that, I just don't want to."

She turned around. He gestured for her to move over so he could sit beside her. She complied, and he slid into the booth and slid his arms around her in one movement.

"Toby." She hugged him.

"Hi." Arms tightening around her.

"I can't believe you're here."

"I was ordered to be by the President. It's only until Friday, but they said they could spare me for 48 hours." He took the cigarette from her hands. "You do remember what it took to get you to quit ten years ago?"

"Don't play with me Toby." She grabbed it back from him.

"Just making sure." He slid into the booth across from her to give her more space, but took her hand across the table. "How's Molly?"

"A wreck. Tomorrow is the lawyer's. Get those loose ends tied up."

"You should sleep."

"I can't"

He squeezed her hand. "What can I do?"

She looked up at him, cursing the tears welling in her eyes for the upteenth time that day. "You're here." She replied. "That's a good start."


	4. Chapter Four

TITLE: Exact Change Chapter Four

AUTHOR: The Little Cat

SPOILERS: I will spoil all of it.

DISCLAIMER: I own none of it.

NOTES: Sorry, work ate my brain, and my muse was so busy trying to save it she had no time for writing. I've been doing my research, but I cannot figure out the names of CJ's brothers. I made them up, so if I'm wrong, forgive me.

Leo McGarry picked up the phone in his office. Or rather, in CJ's office. It was comforting to be back, but to also be aware that it would end soon. It helped keep the stress in perspective.

"McGarry."

"Hey, Leo."

"Toby." Leo glanced at the clock. "It's five AM."

"I figured you'd be there already. Old habits die hard."

"Indeed." The two men were silent for less then a beat before Leo spoke again. "How's our girl?"

Toby glanced over at CJ, who was shuffling through her childhood home with grace, avoiding boxes and bags due to be taken to charities, Archimedes the cat on her heels, making tea for herself and Toby. "She's doing as well as she can be. She needs to sleep pretty badly."

"I bet. Tell her it's an order from the office of the temporary Chief of Staff."

"I'll do that……are you sure you are alright Leo? Because if you need me back…."

Toby was not even permitted to finish the thought. "Don't even think of it Ziegler. You take care of her."

He swallowed, not entirely comfortable with Leo accepting so openly the relationship he and CJ had, unspoken as it was. "Thanks Leo. I will."

Leo hung up the phone, grinning. Boy, did Toby have it bad. It was apparent after CJ's rather hasty departure that morning. The President had finally ordered him onto a plane, his exact words being along the lines of: "And I don't care if you say all the flights are booked, I happen to have access to more than one mode of air transport, I'm sure one of them is also more than capable of getting your stubborn ass to Ohio." Toby had admitted defeat rather quickly, allowing Leo and Charlie to deal with the AMA and lobbyists sending Foosball tables.

After hanging up with Leo, he wandered into the kitchen, where CJ was filling up mugs of tea. Her hands were shaking slightly, though Toby suspected it was from exhaustion more than nerves. Still, he had to ask.

"CJ. Are you…uncomfortable with me here?"

She turned to him, handed him a mug. Looked at him levelly. "Your Honour, I motion that the last question be stricken from the record on account of its absolute silliness." She smiled, tight-lipped and tired.

"Consider it done." He sipped from the warm mug. Earl Grey. "CJ, you have got to sleep."

"I know." She placed her mug in the sink. "While you were on the phone with Leo, I moved your bag into the guest room. Upstairs, third door on the right. There are towels on the bed."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to try and sleep, I guess." She sighed heavily, leaning against the counter. "Toby….."

"Yes."

She shook her head, not looking at him. "Nevermind. I'll see you in the morning."

He watched her go upstairs, then put his mug in the sink and followed. He found the guest room, changed out of his suit into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and was about to turn out the light when he heard it.

He could hear her sobbing through the wall.

He crept quietly from the room, down the hall to the next room, and listened at the door. It was definitely her. It was muffled, into a pillow perhaps, but tore at his chest nonetheless. After a gentle tap at the door, he swung it open and observed the scene.

CJ. All six feet of her beautiful frame curled up as tight as she could go, her face streaked with tears. She looked up at him. Silent.

He walked over to her bed and lowered himself behind her. His arms went around her, grasping her hands. He kissed her cheek, murmured into her ear as she cried. She slowly began to breathe deeper, regular. He stayed behind her, not moving. His breath moving strands of her hair, tickling his cheek. When he was sure she was asleep, he gingerly began to loosen his arms, intending to make his way back to the guest room. He stopped, surprised when her grip on his arms tightened.

"No. Stay. Please." She tilted her head. Eyes shining in the dark.

"Alright." He settled back around her, listening to her breathe. This is how he fell asleep.

When CJ awoke the next morning, she was not surprised to find herself alone. She glanced at the clock, it's numbers reading eight AM. Four hours of sleep. Not too shabby. She had not expected Toby to last the night in her bed.

She thought of how funny it was, the fact that as many times that they had slept together, they had never actually slept together. It was the classic "friends-with-benefits" situation. Their sex was always intoxicated, quick, and usually something that would make a porn star blush. It was purely an exercise in stress relief, a way to forget a particularly crappy day. It was always fucking. It was never making love. It was something that CJ depended on. If it became more than that, she would be lost.

_Who am I kidding?_ she thought to herself. _I am lost. I'll just never let it show. He's my_ _best friend_. Clamping down quick on that train of thought. It was too early in the morning, on what was sure to be an exhausting day, to wax poetic about the best-friend-come-booty-call that she had unfortunately fallen in love with. She ran her fingers through her tousled hair, threw a sweatshirt on over her tank top, and wandered downstairs to the kitchen.

She entered the kitchen to find Molly and Toby sitting at the kitchen table. They were chatting quietly, looking up upon her entrance. CJ cringed, realizing that Molly had awoken to find a strange man in the house.

"Molly, I'm so sorry. This is Toby, he flew out here to see me…."

Toby looked at CJ, a grin touching his face. "We established that about fifteen minutes ago, when she walked in here and found me rifling through the cupboards for coffee filters."

Molly piped up. "I was gonna take him out with an umbrella from the hallway, but then he turned around. I recognized him from the press briefings."

"A fact for which I am eternally grateful." Toby finished up.

CJ snorted with laughter, despite the pounding from behind her eyes. All of the crying she had done in the last twenty-four hours was catching up with her. She poured herself a cup of coffee, making her way to the table to join Molly and Toby. She sat and reached for her purse, lighting a cigarette. Toby frowned.

"Do not lecture me, professor Ziegler."

"I just don't want to be the one to help you quit again."

"I'm not off the wagon, I'm just taking a trip from it for a few days. It's not like when I get back to the White House I'll have time to fit smoke breaks into my day."

Molly swallowed the last of her coffee and stood. "CJ, I spoke to the lawyer. He expects us there for one PM."

"Paul and Bill will meet us there. I know they got a hotel nearby. I told them that they could stay here, but they thought it would be a bit much." CJ flicked her cigarette into an empty soda can. "I need to clean up before anyone sets foot in here. What time are the movers coming, Molly?"

"I arranged for them to pick everything up at eleven." The movers would pick up all of Tal's belongings and take them to a nearby shelter. A few things CJ kept, including his watch, but she had no need or use for his clothes, books and other personal items.

Toby looked between the two women. "May I offer a suggestion? You two get ready for the lawyers. I'll clean up here, make sure everything is in order for when you get back."

"You aren't coming with us?" CJ asked.

Toby shifted uncomfortably. "If you want me to, I will, but it seems to me that this is a time for family."

CJ considered this, and realized Toby was right. She may want to be near him, but he had done enough for her already and would undoubtedly do much more over the next couple of days. She smiled. "Alright. Thanks."

Toby nodded, smiling back.


	5. Chapter Five

TITLE: Exact Change, Chapter Five

AUTHOR: The Little Cat

SPOILERS: Everything.

DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to the gang at NBC. I'm just borrowing them. They will be returned, tired but unharmed.

AUTHOR NOTES: So sorry about the wait, and that this chapter is short. There is more coming soon.

Molly crawled into the passenger side of CJ's rental car, slamming the door behind her as CJ turned the key in the ignition. They were silent for the first five minutes, CJ hoping Molly wouldn't ask the questions that Molly was trying to figure out how to ask. When they stopped at a red light, CJ could stand it no more, there was enough stress to begin with, and ignoring Molly's curiosity about Toby was simply too much to deal with. CJ turned towards her step-mother.

"You know Molly, you're wearing the same expression now as you did when I was in your high school English class and you didn't want to call on me because you were afraid I would say something you hadn't thought of."

"I never thought that."

"Sure you didn't. Go on, ask what you want."

Molly leaned back in the passenger seat, considering. Opened her mouth, closed it again. CJ hit the gas when the light turned green. "I'm assuming that you two are involved. Did you meet at the White House?"

CJ sighed. "We're not involved. Not exactly. It's…complicated." CJ looked over at Molly. She had no idea how to explain the complexity of her relationship with Toby. "We met several years ago. When he went to work for President Bartlet's first election campaign, he came to see me. Convinced me to come aboard. He is probably the best friend I have ever had." There. That was most of the truth. Not so bad. It almost made sense.

Molly smiled. "Well, that's good. The best relationships are ones that grow out of friendship. That's how I came to marry Tal."

"NO. We aren't in a relationship, Molly."

"But you're in love with him."

CJ slammed on the brakes. Luckily, there was next to no traffic. CJ looked over at Molly, a stunned expression on her face. "I'm…..no. How the HELL did you know that?"

"It's obvious. If it's any comfort CJ, he's in love with you right back."

CJ closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. "Can we drop it?"

"Fine." They were silent a few more moments before Molly continued. "You should probably keep driving CJ, or we'll be late."

CJ sighed, moving the car forward.

They pulled into the small parking lot of the office of Mill, Smith and Berg. Tal's lawyer, Gregory Berg, had been a student of Tal's in his early days of teaching. He stood outside the main doors to greet CJ and Molly.

"Hi Greg." CJ said. "How are you?"

"CJ." The older man greeted, reaching out to clasp her outstretched hand. "Molly. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your brothers are here, as are Angela and Hogan." He held the door for them as they entered the office.

There was the obligatory round of tearful embraces, CJ noting how much both of her brothers had aged since she saw them last. _Good Lord,_ she though to herself. _Has it been that long?_ Hogan reached for her, and CJ grabbed the young woman in a tight embrace.

The reading of the will took very little time. The three children of Tal, as well as Molly, were to evenly split the assets he left behind. The only shock to any of them came when it was announced that the family home would go to CJ. She was confused, but Greg made sense of it when he read Tal's reasoning.

"Both of your brothers own homes already, as does Molly. You rent an apartment in DC. I want you to have a home, Claudia Jean, and hopefully one day a family to fill it." Greg paused, then continued. "Please don't take this as me being disappointed in you, because the opposite is true. I am so proud darling."

CJ felt her eyes well up, and she felt her brothers come around to either side of her. Paul passed her a tissue, and Bill slid his arm around her. "We're all proud of her."

Toby had just finished placing a mountain of sandwiches on the dining room table when he heard the cars pull up in the driveway. He looked up as CJ, her brothers, Paul's wife Angela, Hogan and Molly trooped through the front door. CJ had told her family to expect Toby's presence, and had endured her brother's gentle teasing with grace. Hogan had grinned, listening to her father and Uncle tease her Aunt about her "boyfriend".

"Toby!" Paul and Bill hollered in unison.

Toby flinched internally. "Hello."

He had never felt quite comfortable around CJ's brothers. Not because they had given him reason to feel uncomfortable, but because he had always associated meeting her family with making a commitment to her. They had very little commitment to one another, at least as far as anything official went. Toby knew, when it came right down to it, that he was bound to her. CJ was the only woman he would love for the rest of his life. He was not prepared, however, to tell her so. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her.

His mind flashed back to the last time they had been together, several weeks before. It had been an odd evening, in that they had come together with very little involvement of stress or alcohol. It had been a late night, they had grabbed take out, and had somehow ended up back at CJ's apartment. That night had been dangerous. Not being drunk had meant little cover for slip ups, for emotion spilling through the cracks. He had paused upon entering her that night, looking down into her eyes, not moving. _Tell her_, his mind had hissed. _Tell her you're in love with her, that you'll love her forever, that you want to marry her, watch her have your children, grow old together, just do it, tell her._

"What?" she had asked.

"Nothing. Just…..you are beautiful."

She had smiled. "Charmer." Her words had been lost to sighs as he had begun to move.

Toby shook himself out of his memories and back into the present. She was comfortable with what they had, he was sure, and would not make her uncomfortable by declaring feelings that she could not return. So he grinned at her brothers, and waved at the giant pile of food on the table. "I made lunch."


End file.
